“I hope I’ll get some phone calls:” Journaling through Isolation

It seems that every day during the pandemic and the subsequent self-isolation has been different emotionally. Generally, I am dealing with guilt for not “doing enough” at work, fear for my husband who is an essential employee, and gratitude for all we’ve gained during this time – all simultaneously. The pieces speak a little bit to each of these reactions.

March 18, 2020

I struggle to write this as I’m feeling very down right now, but I think it will be important when I look back on this to know every other day was sad. I’m feeling particularly depressed because there’s apparently a recession in the making.

That, compounded with the virus, will make things very bad for people. I don’t feel that I can rely on anything right now. I feel that only I am worried about the outcome, and therefore have to take on the burden myself, because my husband doesn’t care as much about what happens.

I have been praying God will do what it takes to make the world right. That might include me losing everything, too. I assume we can get through anything, but I am scared of not knowing how to do that.

Should we try to have a baby now? Should we invest in our home? I feel overwhelmed.